Let's call this character Eddie:
Eddie: (Over the phone) Hello, Chef. Can you do an Italian menu for me and six of my buddies this friday?
Personal Chef: That's a bit close. This weekend you mean?
E: I know it's cutting it close. Saw your ad, and I just moved into my new apartment. Wanted to have a housewarming.
PC: Ok. You were lucky I am free that day. It IS the weekend. Here's the menu. (a 2 minute spiel on what is on offer)
E: Okay. Sounds good. Let's do...(makes a selection for a three course dinner)
PC: Good. Here are your booking instructions
E: Can I just give you a check when you get here? It's an office expense.
PC: On the day itself? Let me see...(ranting and raving in silence, seething). Ok
E: Ok then. See you Friday Chef
Shopping for the three course menu. Not cheap. Guy knew his food.
1700h Set up the ingredients in the new apartment. Prepare the different sauces and dressings. Broil the chops.
1915h Two guests come in. Eddie tells me that's it. Ok. Too much food. Hell, he's paying for it.
1945h 1st course served. Salad. With an interesting dressing. Wiped clean in 8 minutes flat.
2000h Main course. Kitchen is hazy because of the broiling. But the chops were perfect. Sides were equally decadent.
2030h Dessert. With a cup of coffee and a shot of Sambucca. Anybody else coming? I ask. No? Good. I hand Eddie the invoice.
Eddie gives me a check. Check? Dated to be encashed 4 days from now? Eddie, this is not the arrangement.
E: I know. Sorry. Couldn't pull out some cash today
PC: Ok. As long as this is good.
E: It is.
Woke up at 630h. Had a glance at the check hanging on the fridge. Through my groggy eyes, I spy this check is based in Cebu, with a wierd looking account number. That doesn't look right.
900h with the bank. Check is not good. I send a text message to Eddie 'Banks says your check is not good. Please make payment via deposit to my bank account today'. Eddie: 'k'.
Through text messages 'Eddie, no bank deposit. What happened?' 'Sorry, chef. Company accountant ran off with my money. Will deposit this afternoon'
Over the Phone
PC: You deposited only half?!
E: I will get you the money this afternoon.
PC: I used my own money for your dinner.
E: Really sorry, chef. Promise. Will settle today.
Eddie not answering my calls. Text messages not acknowledged.
Lawyer friend threatens Eddie. Expose him as a fraud to his company. Turns out company is bogus too. Lawyer threatens police. (Of course I know his address. I cooked him dinner, didn't I?)
The following month
Eddie finally settles the last few thousands. After countless threats and visitation from the local police.
This schmuck is who I will call Mel, as in Mal Carne.
Thursday, Via email
Mel: Hello, chef. Can you do a private cooking class for me and my girlfriend? I came by your ad the other day. Would like to avail of your services. These are the dishes we would like to learn. (lists a few selections, high end in fact, taken from the menu on my facebook site)
PC: Would love to. Here is what it's going to cost. I will send you the invoice shortly.
Mel: Can we pay you when you get here? (Why do these people think this is ok when booking for services???)
PC: Sorry. Burned before with practices like that. I hope you understand.
Mel: I know how you feel. had that experience as well. Wil make the payment this afternoon.
PC: Ok. Will send you the invoice with payment instructions.
Friday, Via email.
PC: Hello, Mel. Checked that you haven't made payment yet. Saturday is booked for you.
Mel: Sorry, chef. Got the flu. Can't make the booking.
PC: But I bumped off another booking for you.
Mel: Can't stop the flu chef.
PC: You do understand you cost me lost income on a weekend.
Mel: Sorry, chef. Not my problem.
For other personal chefs and caterers who want these two characters on their blacklist, just email me. I will gladly send you their contact details.