Foodie? Or just suffering from Chef Envy

Due to the proliferation of cooks on TV nowadays, the profession has gained much ground in terms of networking and marketability. A decade ago being a cook was not as glamorous, nor did it encourage the kind of following that a professional cook would enjoy nowadays. A following you say? Yes. A following of such proportions it borderlines on ridiculous, inflating chefs' egos and blowing up the profession to near god-like status. Who are these followers? Anybody who fawns over the chef, who tries to emulate the chef, who got into the profession because they finally found something to be passionate about. Call them chef groupies or adoring fans, and these followers come in many forms, and what comes to mind is that familiar gastrosexual known as a foodie. I have met many foodies in my career, and within that set of food porn fanatics I have discovered the proliferating species that knows next to nothing about food. These individuals suffer an affliction known as Chef Envy. Chef Envy comes in may forms, from the sublime to the downright obnoxious. Some symptoms have been enumerated in this article. Interesting read, because any professional chef would recognize these absurd characteristics. Another article tells of the inane things that would make a gourmet snob. Both articles are funny, insightful, and probably hitting a nerve, culinary or not.
Here are what I think are the top symptoms of chef envy:

Insists that the chef put their grandmother's maple infused sorbet on the menu because they say it is so good.
When at a group dinner, of which a chef is part of the party, the foodie smirks and tells the waiter to ask the chef what they should order. Most professional chefs would be the last to order in a group after deconstructing the menu.
They invest in hundred dollar knives with little or no knife skills.
They follow the chef around in a supermarket watching closely what he puts into his basket, and getting the same.
They invest in chefs' whites, not knowing the importance of material and functionality of these uniforms.
When drunk, they can not tell the difference between foie gras and a Big Mac
Invades the professional kitchen, insistent on speaking with the chef
Follows the Food Network very closely.
Glorifies the transformation of sustenance and nutrition into haute couture.
Follows chefs and dines in high-end restaurants, only
Name drops famous Chefs whenever they can, wherever they can.
Flaunts an expensive RoboCoupe because they saw Emeril manhandling it.
Says nauseating catch phrases as "let's kick it up a notch" or "Bam!"
Fills up space in any photo-op involving the chef
Too late in life to change careers
Goes into recipe book publishing
Has the chef's number on speed dial
Is anal about the Michelin and Zagat Guides, but only for stalking purposes
Act like they know as much, if not more, than the chef, then sell their soul to the highest bidder
He or she has a volatile hatred for one specific chef
Has an eclectic (being PC here) albeit incohesive, collection of cookbooks
Has all kinds of useless kitchen gadgets frou-frou
They are not professional chefs by training, yet they have a TV cooking show
'Which restaurant has the Chef's Table?'
Uses KitchenSpeak in general conversation

P.S. You may have heard of 'The Foodie Handbook'. Read the scathing review here. And read about how to spot a pretentious foodie.

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